'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
