dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
