I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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