I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
