I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
