The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
