There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
