The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
