She is in my trunk
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
