Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
