i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
