Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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