Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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