turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize