Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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