When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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