I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
