I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
