I showed him my bush... on skype.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
