okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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