woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
