is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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