Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
