Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
