I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
