He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
