would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
