Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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