So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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