I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
