ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would fuck him just for his dog
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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