i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
