i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
