His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
