just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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