I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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