you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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