you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
