remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my shit smells like andre
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize