i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
