maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
