I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
