So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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