She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
