Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
