i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
