For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
