I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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