Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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