I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
