i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
