I want to have your abortion
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
