I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
