fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
