and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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