I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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