just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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