the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
