I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
