i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
