i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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