im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
