Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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