If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need to calm my uterus...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
