I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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