2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
